New beginnings are full of excitement but at the same time can be full of fear and self-doubt. It’s even worse when you feel like you are finally established to then turn around and want none of it.
“What do I do now?” you ask yourself.
You feel stuck and that you will trudge in the same fashion as you have been doing for so long. Trade-offs that you made for a while now make you feel afraid to live the life you dreamed of. At the same time, you can’t stand to think of one more second standing idle in the same place.
If you want it, you can take it. You came to this country and made a life for yourself out of nothing. Those skills that were based in resilence got you to a place where others couldn’t even imagine trying to attain. While that reputation gives you pride, it can also be limiting when you really need to make a change. That change requires you to be vulnerable in a very public way. Maybe not everyone will be accepting of that vulnerability. But understand, that that person who is not in the arena, that person’s negative opinions do not need to hold the same weight as you have been giving them. You are the driving force in your life and you will not allow them to take control of the wheel!
So, what do you do now?
Well, here are some things you can try:
Explore what you loved to do when you were younger. When we were younger, we were allowed to be more creative. We didn’t have that pesky old responsibility to get in our way. Hold on! Keep paying your bills! But, maybe, pick up that hobby that you have been saying you were going to start. Try taking a class. This may help to make that hobby a habit. When we allow ourselves time to explore something new, we exercise that creative part of our mind and lower the limitations that we set on ourselves.
Silence is a virtue is how the old saying goes. To have a moment to ourselves helps us to create a way where we can truly define what is right for us. We break through all the noise from the outside world telling us what to do and how we should be. Now, we are able to think of next steps. If we do not give ourselves that moment to be, we will never become. We don’t necessarily need to start a meditative practice. Although that may be helpful for some, we can try to give ourselves some alone time to breathe and this may give us the bandwidth to figure out what we need.
“If we do not give ourselves that moment to be, we will never become.”Tara Genovese
Write down your reflections from your new experiences during your exploration and your reflections in your moment of silence. Journaling or writing down our thoughts is another way to grow deeper understanding. Many people who are seen as successful keep a type of reflection journal. Some simply write three things they are grateful for on a daily basis. Others have more stringent practices of writing 500-750 words a day to ensure a deep emotional reflection.
Listen to the stories of those you admire. What did they have to do to get to where they wanted to be? How did they confront challenges? What were their failures? What lessons did they learn? Surrounding ourselves even if it is only by listening to a podcast or Youtube video with people who talk about self-development and positive change can influence how we think. What we say to ourselves is very important! So, if all we hear are negative things or constant criticism, we will eventually believe it.
Talk, finally! Reach out and open up to others about your ideas. More people may be more willing to help or support than you might think. When you connect with your network in that way, it will lead to new experiences and resources that you did not even know were out there. Remember, what we say to ourselves is important. So when you speak your truth to someone else you are simultaneously saying it to yourself. Now, you’ve hit two birds with one stone!
Once you allow yourself room to grow and don’t let the fear of judgment be the barrier to growth, you allow yourself to have new ideas that you didn’t think were possible before. Creativity is essential to growth. To be creative you need to drop down your walls as the ever knowing expert. Only, then do you allow yourself to become a student once again. This is also called the beginner’s mind.
“Creativity is essential to growth.”Tara Genovese
When you have the beginner’s mind, mistakes don’t feel as daunting as they did before. Well, because, students always make mistakes! That is how a student learns. Students are, also, allowed to think outside the box. They are able to solve a problem in a different way than has been before. Remember, what worked for your parents or grandparents in terms of “success” may not work for you. Today is a different day from yesteryear and you are a different person.
What does success mean to you?
This leads us to what is “success.” That definition is more in your control than you may think. What you think of as aspects that create a life you can be happy with may not be the same for someone else. So, as you go on this new journey, start this new chapter of your life and reflect on what defines your personal success. You are in the driver’s seat of your journey, no one else is. You have more control over your life than you may think. Don’t allow someone to control you who doesn’t even know that they have this type of power!
Try some of these suggestions out and let me know what you think! Share and repost this article if you find this helpful to you!
And by the way!
My name is Tara. I am a licensed clinical social worker who provides counseling services in the state of Illinois. This blog post is not therapy. If you are interested in a free 15 consultation with me, click here!